Where The Rubber Meets The Road!: Part 3 of 3
"Alisha. It's time to do your homework."
"Okay, mom. I'll be right there,"
What a pleasant exchange between mother and daughter! But, it wasn't always that way. Why the difference? Changes like this don't just happen. They are the result of conscious adjustments.
Here's the plan Alisha's mother used to gain her daughter's cooperation concerning her new schedule:
1) Hold short off-trauma discussions about the upcoming plan. Allow several days to help kids get used to the idea. (Set a different plan for weekends and holidays to keep life interesting.)
2) You set the agenda - You decide which items will be part of the child's schedule: however, not all at once. After the first few items, add one or two items per week.
3) Have children help set the timing - The kids will be more engaged if they help set the times that the various activities will occur and, possibly, how long for each.
4) Be sure to schedule 'down' times for sleepovers, free play, 'chilling out', etc.
5) Set short-term goals that you and the child agree on, including specific benchmarks along the way; then celebrate each one as it is achieved.
6) Review the next day's plan with your child as she gets ready for bed, and again the next morning at breakfast.
7) Provide motivators - Tie the completion of assigned tasks to some privilege, not as a bribe, but as your way of saying 'Thank you'. In that way, a well-done job eventually becomes its own reward. Also, leave thank-you notes for the kids where they will notice them.
8) Answering objections - To the complaint, "I don't WANT to do that now," simply say, "You don't have to WANT to do it. You just need to cooperate."
9) Always use courteous, respectful language - If you expect to be respected, you must first be respectful.
In the end, you'll be amazed at how well the whole family gets along under the new plan. Everything will be more focused. You'll feel like a team.
Then, you'll understand why the childhoods of almost all successful adults contain a significant amount of structure - schedules, routines, rituals. And you will stand proud as your child joins their ranks.
