QuikTips by Subject:The Think Space
The Think Space is a plan to help children take responsibility for their own behavioral choices while offering adults a safe and responsible way to remove themselves from the emotional loop of misbehavior. QuikTips Bundles
QuikTips is a series of short, practical articles that feature easy-to-use tools for low-stress child management. Bundled in small packets, and arranged by topic for easy reference. Main Menu
Everything you say to a child either builds him up or tears him down. |
What are QuikTips?QuikTips is a series of short, practical articles, written by Calvin and Carolyn Richert, that feature easy-to-use tools for low-stress child management. All techniques presented meet strict scientific and ethical guidelines and have been carefully "road-tested" for effectiveness in everyday use. Every method is thoroughly positive and, when used as intended, can help children develop skills of self-management, confidence, empathy and the many other positive character qualities needed in becoming well-adjusted, productive adults. Also available for purchase: QuikTips Bundles are pre-printed small packets, arranged by topic for easy reference. Adult Personal Management
What is 'spectating'? Children do it when parents get so busy doing things for the kids that they become more spectators than participants. 
You've experienced it. You rush around getting things together for soccer practice while the soccer player finishes a TV show. Meanwhile, you complain, "Why doesn't anybody ever help?" True, it's sometimes hard to get the kids' heads into things that are good for them. But, HOW you involve them largely determines whether or not they are emotionally engaged. Read more: Critical components of effective parenting (3 of 6)
"Benjamin, did you wash your face?" you ask as he skips out of the washroom with chocolate cookie still pasted across his face. "Yep," he shouts as he rushes toward the door.
But, the evidence is clear. His face is still dirty. You have a choice. You can:
Read more: Critical components of effective parenting (4 of 6)
The voice on the phone was eager. "When does your next course start?" "Why do you ask?" I queried with interest, because the caller had just finished our DWD course two days before.
She then made a most interesting confession. "For the first time in my life, I'm listening to myself," she said with a voice of hope. "Now I think I'm ready to listen to you." Her admission was significant because she had always thought herself to be a positive person. However, when she started honestly listening to the way she corrected her children, she began to see a lot of room for improvement. So, what does being positive mean in REAL life? It's a huge subject, but here are some basics: Read more: Critical components of effective parenting (5 of 6)
The mother's concern was obvious. It was about her five-year-old son. The problem was rudeness - toward her, toward his friends, actually, toward everyone. "I don't understand it," she wondered out loud. "I constantly compliment him and give him all the support he could possibly need. And what do I get? A kick in the shorts!"
Her frustration is common. In a world where children are often pampered with innumerable advantages, the outcome is frequently less than pleasant - ingratitude, rudeness, self-centeredness. Read more: Critical components of effective parenting (6 of 6)
And some creative alternativesThe question was quick and to the point. Actually, I couldn't recall categorically saying that parents shouldn't use 'no' with their children, but there ARE a number of problems with its FREQUENT use. Be honest. Is that really one of the first words you want your child to learn? And, once learned, is that what you want your child to say when he disagrees with you? The fact is, children learn the words they hear most often, and use them with similar emphasis. Of course, it's frustrating to have 'no' hurled at you in response to your guidance. But it IS the logical outcome of hearing it frequently.
Finding value in the 'repeat performance' "Ali," you shout. "Didn't I just tell you to stop teasing your brother?" You are understandably irritated because just moments ago, Ali said he would stop teasing his little brother. But, just as you turned your back, he did the exact same thing...again! But wait. Understanding his poor choice can greatly reduce your personal frustration in situations like this AND make your guidance more effective.
Easy expression: serious signalIt’s time to walk out the door with the kids. Then you remember… “Danny, do you need to go potty?” you ask. “No,” comes the reply. But you know better, so you press the point. “Honey,” you schmooze him. “I really think you need to go potty before we leave.”
But Danny isn’t interested. He pushes back. Stubbornness sets in. A heated verbal exchange follows. But, your logic and superior strength rule the moment. Understandably, you feel you have won that round. But have you? Could it be that you have ‘won the battle, but may lose the war’?
Bringing the future into the present“Jamie,” your voice intensifies as she wanders away from her project – again. “What ‘should’ you be doing right now?” Just then, the phone rings. It’s your ten-year-old, Ali, telling you that he knows he’s ‘supposed to’ be doing his homework, but could he stay at Joey’s house another hour?
The use of ‘should’ and ‘supposed to’ are so common that we almost overlook them – except when we make fun of them with the old ‘woulda-coulda-shoulda’ drill. But ignoring them doesn’t make them any less harmful. Harmful, you ask? How can such innocent words be harmful? |
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